How TLK does Halloween
by tearthgrrl
Summary: Just some Halloween LK stories that have nothing to do with the rest of my stories...
1. OMG, She's Dead!

Here's the Halloween story, VERY sorry it took so long. But I didn't have much time on my hands. (Plus Harvest Moon is a REALLY fun game! …Can't…stop…playing.) Well here's the chapter. Oh, and I'd like to thank D4rk for the help on this fic as well: read our story "Amiss Sins"!

* * *

Shenzi sunned herself in a secluded part of the African savannah, completely indulging herself in noon's hour. As far as she could remember she _loved_ afternoon's tranquility; all the animals out either hunting or being hunted, the warm weather making everything around too lazy to do anything; it was the most quiet part of the day. And it was also one of those rare moments when she actually got some relaxation in. Even with Banzai and Ed not being very far off, nothing was going to stop her from milking the moment to the fullest; after all, being the clan's matriarch wasn't an easy duty.

Meanwhile, her two male companions weren't exactly as peaceful as she was. Ed was giggling at something like no tomorrow, although, it seemed to be forced; since there was nothing in particular to laugh about, even for him. Banzai was in no better condition; the male hyena was staring off at the horizon with a mixture of boredom and dazed-out on his face. Being never too fond of quiet or calm moments, the circumstances were just making him irritable with monotony. The worst part was, when he wasn't focused on something besides his stomach, he focused on, well…his stomach, which gave an annoying gurgle.

Growling in frustration, he glanced back at Shenzi. He knew how cranky she could be if she was disturbed in the least, but his appetite was persistent. Plus even after time after time after time, he'd tried to learn to ignore his unnecessary cravings, such as when his kind was still evicted to the Elephant Graveyard, but apparently his brain had some sort of abnormal bodily connection with his stomach. So, even though he knew it was probably a bad idea, he reluctantly approached the sleeping female. Ed, happy to see some movement for the first time in half an hour, happily followed.

In the meantime, Shenzi was still languidly resting on the warm sandy surface of the savanna. She sighed in near contentment as she rolled to her side…only to be washed over by two long shadows. Peeling her eyes open, she wasn't entirely surprised to see none other than Banzai and Ed standing above her.

"_I knew this wouldn't last long."_ She thought as she let out a groan and rose up to her paws.

"What?" Their matriarch demanded.

"I'm hungry." The tougher of the two males replied.

"So? Go eat." Shenzi rolled her eyes as she started to lie down again.

"I _would_, but you're the only one who knows where all the herds are this time of day." He persisted. Shenzi let out an annoyed grunt.

"It ain't enough I gotta hold your n' Ed's paws everywhere I go, but now ya gotta have me escort you on a simple huntin' trip. In case you two ain't noticed, YOU'RE BOTH FULL-GROWN MALES! FIND THE HERDS ON YA OWN FAH ONCE!"

At that last, maturity-insulting, statement, Banzai scowled as his friend once again laid on her side. He sighed to himself; well, it was worth a try at least. He turned to face away from the tired female. Ed, seeing as how his hopes got up only for a false alarm, drooped his ears and walked away, letting out a sigh as he went; this caused a trail of drool that was previously hanging off his lower lip to land with a semi-loud splish/plop on the dirt.

Banzai, who looked up slightly when he heard the sound, raised an eyebrow at the surprisingly thick texture of his friend's saliva. He grimaced at the sight of the tiny dark puddle, careful not to accidentally step in it.

"_Sick."_ He thought…until, a deviously disgusting idea popped into his head. He blinked as he thought it over for a moment, before widely smirking with malevolence. Looking back at Shenzi, he saw her still indolent form resting on the ground. And looking ahead at Ed, he saw just what he wanted to see: a bored expression on the male hyena's face. Not bothering to stop himself from smirking any broader, he approached his second companion.

"Hey Ed." The hyena blinked when he heard a familiar voice, strangely speaking in a low tone. Glancing to his side, he saw Banzai. A grin was plastered on his face, for what reason he didn't know…that is until his friend leaned close and whispered something in his ear. THEN he couldn't help but let out a hilarious guffaw, that is before Banzai slapped him on the back of the head and hissed at him to be quiet, in which case he toned it down to a mischievous cackle. After grinning at one another deviously, both males looked in the direction of their matriarch, and silently moved in.

Which was too bad for Shenzi, she was just starting to relax again…until she was suddenly rolled onto her back; her shoulders, forepaws, and hips pinned to the ground. Blinking in surprise, she looked up to see a cheerfully smiling Ed and a wickedly grinning Banzai. Banzai had her forepaws and shoulders immobile in his grip, and Ed was the one making sure she wouldn't try to kick them in their faces…or worse. Their female friend kept blinking for a moment as she took in what just happened and her current situation…before narrowing her eyes at both of them.

"Whadda you think you're doing?!" She demanded.

"Giving you a last chance." Banzai replied.

"Either you go hunting with me n' Ed, or else."

"Or else what?" She snorted. "You two start spoutin' things you think sound smart until I give in?" She rolled her eyes. The toughest male of the trio looked at her for awhile, before glancing over to their friend.

"Ed," he said, "show 'er what we mean." The more humorous of the trio laughed hilariously, before looking down at Shenzi and letting his tongue hang out in her direction. Now, being underneath somebody with an open mouth like Ed's, one could understand why Shenzi was getting a little apprehensive.

"Ed…" she began "what're you doin'?" He merely giggled once more, before alarming his friend as he let a stream of saliva travel down his abnormally long tongue; it came at her in a long, wet, nauseating stream. Shenzi cringed away from it, she could immediately hear Banzai cackle after she had done so.

"_Glad this moment is so pleasant fah you. 'Cause you're __dead__ once it's over."_ She thought to herself.

"I think she gets it." She heard the more talkative male of their group say. At his statement, Ed slurped the drool back in; sickening both his companions. Despite this, Banzai put on another grin as he looked at Shenzi, who gritted her teeth.

"You. Wouldn't. Dare." She growled.

"That's up to you, babe." He replied. Shenzi only narrowed her eyes again. Seeing this reaction, her oldest male friend merely shrugged.

"Hey, it's your muzzle, not mine." Snickered the hyena. "Let 'er have it, Ed."

At his friend's command, Ed let the saliva trickle down out of his mouth once more. Shenzi watched with wide eyes as it strained itself near her nose, before being slurped back into her less-than-intelligent friend's oral cavity, only to be repeated another time. Shenzi tried to make a few threats on the side, in hopes of making them stop .

"Ed, I swear, I'll kill you." But her hostile comments were ignored as she was kept immobile during the whole ordeal. This went on for another five minutes, and each time Ed's spit came closer; it was up to the point when the warm, revolting substance was a hair away from splattering her right between the eyes, that the female of the trio finally gave in.

"Alright!" She shouted. "Lemme up and we'll go on this stupid huntin' trip!" She finished with a snarl. Banzai and Ed, smiling in satisfaction, released their matriarch.

_A few minutes later…_

"Just so you know, when you're done scarfin' down all that meat, I'm gonna gag you two with the _same_, femur." Shenzi icily told her two companions.

"From what ya said before," Banzai responded, "you were gonna go back to sleep after we were done."

"To get the rest needed after I'm done with you two." She growled. Before another comeback could be made, the two heard excited laughter coming from their left. Glancing that way, they saw Ed eagerly pointing in a far-off direction. Following his gesture, both hyenas looked relieved at the sight of a large, plump antelope. Banzai licked his lips while Shenzi blew a bang from her eye.

"Well, whaddya waitin' fo'?" She said. The trio immediately took off.

It didn't take long for their prey to realize it had been targeted by three hungry predators, and the antelope bolted in the opposite direction. Shenzi, Banzai and Ed were gaining by the minute. But in the middle of the chase, the grazing animal decided to take a sharp turn and detoured to the left, in the direction of the waterhole. Shenzi was the first to notice and quickly cut in the same path to get closer; Banzai and Ed following suite.

Thinking it'd be a cunning move to sneak through the tall shrubbery, Shenzi swung right into the brush of the area. Banzai and Ed exchanged glances, before they parted in opposite directions; getting ready to take their planned meal down on each side.

Not seeing the posse of hyenas pursuing it anymore, the antelope ceased in its escape. Taking a few cautious glances of its surroundings, the creature decided to slowly ease its way over to the waterhole; it took a wary step further.

This however proved to be a mistake, for Shenzi came lunging at the soon-to-be carcass from the front. The grazing animal cried out as she latched her jaws onto its face. And it only cried worse when Banzai and Ed came lunging from the sides. The two males pounced onto the doomed creature and dug their claws and teeth into the flesh.

Wanting to make one last attempt to freedom, the antelope gave out a shrill cry and, forgetting about the pain for a moment, charged directly towards the watering hole. The trio hung on for dear life, particularly Shenzi, who knew she'd be trampled if she let go. Yet, ironically, once it passed the ring of grass and reeds that surrounded the large body of water, all _four_ of them were ambushed by a large crocodile. Shenzi, Banzai and Ed all directly unleashed themselves from their prey and high-tailed it out of there; just in time to hear the hiss of the scaled, predatory animal faint as they made their escape.

Luckily, the three managed to make it outside just in time before a loud commotion was heard from within the greenery of the watering hole. Panting for breath, they glanced at one another…until Banzai and Ed cowered away from a _very_ furious Shenzi.

"Well was that enough of a hunt for ya?!" She irately demanded. Both males uneasily nodded. Seeing her about to get angrier, each of them was about to start apologizing…until Banzai saw something flicker from the corner of his eye. Raising a thick brow, he leaned over to look past the angry female to confirm his suspicions. What he saw was apparently enough to make him forget about the irritable matriarch in front of him and crack a half-smile as well.

"Then again…" He spoke up. Ed immediately looked at his companion as though _he_ was the crazy one of the group. Shenzi however looked at him as if he were that antelope they almost had.

"What are you talking about you stupid, thick-headed, son of a-"

"Looks lunch might still be on the menu!" He excitedly shouted. Now it was Shenzi's turn to raise an eyebrow, before realizing he was looking in another direction, taking a glance in said direction, and seeing just what he was talking about. Her jaw nearly dropped when she saw the antelope they had pursued earlier completely unharmed!

There it was, standing there and even _grazing_ like there was nothing to worry about; as if it was oblivious to the fact that in was knee-deep in an area full of crocodiles. The female hyena blinked before looking back at her two would-be victims.

"…I wouldn't eat what's on _that_ menu; look like it got some sorta disease." She stated…until a grumbling sound echoed from a place very close. This caused her to glare at Banzai.

"Apparently your stomach doesn't realize when it's about to be kicked in repeatedly." She said in a normal-toned yet menacing voice. Her friend blinked in surprise, before truthfully stating,

"That wasn't me." And again, the grumbling sound came. This time the two glanced at Ed, who shook his head and shrugged. For one final time it was noticed, the sound echoed once more; before all eyes went on Shenzi, who seemed surprised.

"Well," Banzai smirked, "looks like we might've actually just saved you some trouble. We're already in the grazin' areas after all."

"Yeah, but ain't nothin' gonna come out aftah _that_ lil' stunt we just pulled. I can guarantee ya there won't be any food fah miles." Shenzi retorted.

"Is that so? Well, I see one right now." The gruffer of the trio stated, causing his matriarch to raise a skeptical eyebrow.

"Where?"

"A few feet away from us. Er, my bad, _you_." He finished. Both remaining hyenas blinked.

"…You crazy?" Shenzi finally said.

"What? You said so yourself, there's not gonna be anymore food for awhile after what we just did. And besides: look at that thing! Does it look like it's bein' eaten up by crocs to you?!" Banzai defended. Shenzi and Ed both cast a glance back at the antelope, and indeed, it was still standing there. No problems whatsoever. They turned back to their now seemingly accurate companion.

"Ok, maybe not. Then again, it may just not be that close to the watah yet. You seen how them thangs are; they wait until somethin' walks up to the bank and SNAP! You won't be seein' it for awhile."

"Which only proves how righter I am." Banzai persisted.

"First of all, 'righter' ain't even a word. Second-"

"Lemme finish: since that thing's not close enough to the water for the crocs to get it, what's stoppin' us? If it's not bein' stalked by those lizards with big teeth, then why would the three of us be too?" Shenzi still skeptically lowered her eyes.

"Ok hotshot, so who's gonna go get it?"

"Who else? You." He replied. His female companion snorted.

"Yeah, right."

"Well," the male hyena said as he casually inspected his claws, "if ya can't do it…" This caused the Kenyan matriarch to stop all the jokes completely.

"What did you just say?" She demanded in a tone so icy it made Ed whimper and back away.

"Hey, if your strength's drained because you're so obviously hungry, that's cool-"

"My _strength_ isn't drained no mattah _what_." Shenzi growled.

"Sure…" Banzai smirked as he rolled his eyes. Now the female of the trio was getting aggressive.

"I could lunge ovah there, snap that thang's neck, and drag it back here fastah than Ed can find a reason to laugh!"

"She talks the talk, but can she stalk the stalk?" He cackled. Narrowing her eyes one last time, Shenzi said not another word as she turned around and disappeared into the grass and reeds.

"And don't worry: next time you wanna be left alone we'll go bug T. She likes it!" He laughed.

A long moment passed. Ed stared at where she had left, until about two minutes later, began whimpering in concern.

"Eh, I'm sure she's fi-" Banzai was cut off when an enormous crocodile lunged out at them from behind the reeds. Both hyenas quickly scrambled out of the way, but from the angle the reptilian predator had lunged at them, they saw they had no choice other than to directly head into the grasses surrounding the waterhole; even though they had a good idea of what awaited them on the other side.

Yet nothing, not even seeing Scar himself come back to end their lives, could prepare them for what they saw next:

The crocodiles were all having a feeding frenzy in the middle of the water hole, but the creature they were sinking their teeth into, wasn't the antelope that had lingered close by: said antelope was still off grazing to the side, minding its own business.

What Banzai and Ed saw, was a lot of blood dyeing the water an ugly red color, and dark patches of fur occasionally showing above the surface; depending on whether the reptilian predators wanted to share or not. The unlucky meal itself, was about the size of a large canine-like creature, about the same size as…

Banzai gawked at the horror with white eyes; feeling like he was going to be sick. And Ed just stared at the site; completely shocked. That is until, that crocodile who had jumped them earlier came at the two again from behind. Ed was the first to see it coming and instantly shoved his friend out of the way; the two male hyenas made a run for it, not stopping until the watering hole was a mere dot on the horizon.

But no matter how small the view of that place would be, now matter how far they were, the gore that was happening could still be painfully visible and audible to all who looked in its direction. The two of them stared, open-mouthed, at the one-victim massacre.

It wasn't until an hour had passed until the literal bloodbath seemed to be over. Some few heavy breathings later, Ed managed to bring his gaze over to his friend, who was still staring at the tragic site with eyes that couldn't seem to comprehend the situation. When the younger of the two males finally heard his friend speak, he was taken aback by what came out of his mouth.

"I killed her…" Banzai said.

* * *

The two males silently walked back to their clan, neither had spoken for the whole trip. Ed was in horrible shape after that ordeal, but he could **NEVER** compare to Banzai in this circumstance: the male hyena was a wreck, a complete wreck. His eyes were vague and frightened, if his fur wasn't standing on edge it was ruffled and torn at from all the nervous biting and scratching he had done earlier; pretending to dig at fleas that weren't even there. His whole body was ruined with stress, and he looked like he could jump out of his skin at any minute.

"Ed." The lesser-brained of the two quickly turned his head upon hearing his friend's voice for the first time in hours. Banzai was staring off at nothing in particular, yet he still seemed to acknowledge his companion's presence.

"I killed something today. And it's a new thing to me. …I know it shouldn't be. …Usually…when I kill something…I don't feel horrible like this: …usually, when I kill something, I'm full of food afterward, or I'm full of vengeful satisfaction later. But now…I feel like crap, _worse than crap_, and I'm not full of anything…BUT GUILT!" It was then the hyena lost it, and he began tearing at himself wildly. Ed wanted to restrain his friend but held back out of fear of injuring the both of them.

"I'M ACTUALLY FEELING _GUILTY_ FOR KILLING SOMETHING!!" He went on uncontrollably.

"I USED TO KILL THINGS FOR A LIVING AND TO _STAY_ LIVING, BUT NOW-"

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"AHHHHHH!" Ed had lunge out and grip onto his friend to keep him from bolting out of his fur. Looking right in front of them, both were slightly surprised to see a puzzled T, tilting her head at the two.

"Uh…Banzai, Ed…everything ok?" She asked. Ed quickly nodded until Banzai snapped out of his daze and answered.

"Uh, yeah! Never better! …Why? We look like we did somethin'?" This however, earned him a "shut up!" slap on the back of the head from the other male.

"Where's Shenzi?" She asked. There was an uncomfortable pause as both males stared at her in silence. But after a moment, Banzai and Ed, exchanging glances, reluctantly gazed back at her.

"T…Shenzi…Shenzi is…won't be coming back for awhile." Banzai answered. The youngest of the group seemed puzzled at his response, but after a moment just shrugged her shoulders and said,

"Well, I already caught dinner with a hunting party today. Come back to the cave if you're hungry." After which she walked off towards the middle of the clan. Both of them watched her leave, before Banzai slumped to the ground and covered his face with his paws.

"Oh man…what have I done?" He groaned. Ed felt pity for his friend and patted him on the back, although he also couldn't help the sorrow that was burrowing inside him over the loss of their life-long friend.

Suddenly, after the contact of the other male, Banzai paused for a moment, before grabbing Ed's shoulders.

"Whadda we gonna do?! We just killed our best friend, matriarch, AND clan! Do you know what happens to clans without matriarchs?! They _**starve!**_" Ed hit his friend on the cheek as if to say "Pull yourself together!". The frantic hyena pulled his head back after the impact and started rubbing the spot where the other canine had struck it.

"…I think I needed that." Ed nodded…until his friend gripped his shoulder again, this time with one paw, and jerked him to face in his direction.

"Look man, this is bad. Worse than anything we've ever done before…_put_ _together_!" Ed nodded in understanding once more; despite all the previously blunt and small-minded things Banzai had said in the past, for once, what was coming out of the panic-stricken hyena's mouth was actually making sense.

"We can't tell nobody about this!" But then the other male tilted his head and gave him a troubled look. After a moment of trying to figure out what he was thinking, Banzai finally pieced it together: sooner or later, everybody would figure out _they_ were the ones last seen with Shenzi before she disappeared. And suspicion would certainly be aroused; questions would be asked, accusations would be made…persecutions would be taken out.

"…We gotta think up an alibi." He said. Ed nodded for the final time that day.

* * *

_That night…_

Obviously T became worried when Shenzi didn't show up by dusk, but Ed managed to ease her fears and distract her from the topic long enough until she grew tired and fell asleep. Seeing that a bullet had been dodged, until tomorrow came at least, Ed joined her.

Banzai on the other hand, despite having to manage to drift out of consciousness, was barely getting any sleep at all:

He scratched and clawed at the floor as the image of Shenzi being brutalized and then eaten by those crocodiles filled every visible image shown to his psyche. What was worse, he was trying to save her, but she was too far out, and there were so many of them…

…Wait, he never tried to save her, Ed pushed him out of the way just as the two of them were about to be eaten. And then it occurred to him, he was having a nightmare.

A nightmare now, and a horrible one at that, but one that could turn into a dream…

Now he saw himself with Shenzi; perfectly unharmed and as lively as ever. Astounded, he reached out to touch her; his paw made contact with warm, uninjured flesh. His mind seemed to play what he wanted afterward; now they were just eating like the friends they were. Nothing out of the usual; just the common teasing and pushing when they ate alongside each other. This was what he envisioned, in his mind nothing was atypical in the least… not even when he spotted blood pouring out of her beautiful face.

The carcass they were eating was wide open, and Ed was the first to dig into it and take off a big piece of meat, Shenzi following suite. Banzai was just about to grab a bite himself, until he paused to take another look at his female companion…only to back away in horror.

What gazed at him _looked_ like Shenzi, but there was something about this being that just wasn't right. And then what occurred next could only be viewed as things you see only in nightmares of the worst, coming crudely and in mutilating truth.

"What?" The male gasped at the standing, unmoving female hyena. But his eyes quickly widened when he saw her screech in pain, and he lost his breath once he saw why:

Bite-mark after bite-mark was pierced right through her body, each time another scream of anguish erupted from her lips. Banzai could only shake, frozen in place, at the sight. And if that wasn't bad enough, once her body was completely immersed in gashes, so much her blood was making tiny puddles around her, she wailed in agony as she seemed to be being torn apart…just like what those crocodiles did to her, Banzai realized. They grabbed hold of her with their unmerciful jaws, then proceeded to yank her limbs and other such parts off to satisfy their hungry cravings. Banzai wanted to help her, but all he could do was stare as her painfully bleeding body began to stagger in his direction, as if saying, "help…help…"

The carnage within was clearly shown through her gashes, again she tried to scream but it only came as a gurgling sound; muffled by her own blood. Banzai only stood helplessly, as the horrific sights now manifested; penetrating his inner mind. Maggots began to gather beneath her on the ground, waiting for dead tissue of some sort to land and satisfy their numerous appetites.

He tried to turn away, but found to his horror he couldn't. All the while the violently gashed body of Shenzi kept limping towards him; a look of desperation on, what must've been, her face.

He would've stared at the sight forever, had it not been for the image of Ed flickering in the corner of his view. Quickly he turned his head in his direction, only to gaze into his friend's own deranged eyes. Ed stared at him with a twisted smile, opened his mouth…

"…Murderer."

A gurgling sound pulled the male hyena back to reality; a loud and harsh noise which sounded much like someone quickly emptying the contents of their stomach. His eyes gaped open only to find that it was himself. Blinking himself back to actuality, he wiped the excess of vomit from off the corners of his mouth to the floor. Looking around, there was nothing out of place…except for the obvious fact that Shenzi was still not here: Banzai found himself wiping tears he didn't even knew he had.

It was too horrible to bear: _"…Murderer"_. He couldn't keep from hearing that word: it banged in his brain again and again. The guilt was eating him alive: how he could tell the whole clan…or even T for the matter? How could he tell them he was responsible for the death of their matriarch? How could he tell them that, with no heir, the entire hyena population of the area was doomed to downward spiral until their demises?

Worst of all, how he could he keep living, just _thinking_ about that twisted and broken image of his friend, engraved his mind?

That was just it: no matter what, he _couldn't_ do it. And he never would…

Taking a heavy breath, the male hyena was well aware his mind would torture him about this for as long as he lived. He couldn't take this anymore: it was too much to bear. …That's when he spotted that steep ledge that could be viewed just outside the cave. Taking a few steps out of his home, he saw it wasn't a very long walk at all. His mind, frozen on those bad memories, kept his focus off the frigid weather as he approached the rocky hill.

Banzai stopped at the edge and paused to look down at the pit of the elevated, rock-strewn cliff. Jagged rocks lingered at the bottom; a dark fate for anyone unfortunate enough to miss just one step.

He wondered what they could do, if a body similar to his own plummeted in their direction…

_Meanwhile…_

Ed quickly woke up at a devastatingly acidic smell; he covered his nose as the putrid stench nearly burnt his nostrils. Blinking the extra tears from his eyes, he looked about the cave. There was a puddle of vomit on the floor, that explained the foul odor airing out of their home, Ed cringed at the site, but then noticed that was once the spot that sheltered a sleeping Banzai. He searched the cave for his friend, but he was nowhere to be found. An increasingly bad feeling began to rise in his stomach; now the hyena was becoming truly anxious now. But just as he thought about doing anything desperate his nose, despite the vomit, suddenly picked up the scent of a familiar trail: Banzai's.

Anxiety growing more with each step, he eventually found a set of prints, obviously Banzai's, and ran in the direction they were headed. What he saw once he looked up from the ground caused him to freeze in place and lose all breath in him.

Ed's jaw dropped, as he saw Banzai standing directly on the edge of a cliff! Banzai didn't back off as he continued observing at the rocks; he took another glance at the dark sky. The hyena had a vacant look in his eyes, and, even though he knew his friend was nearby, did not even turn to him as he said.

"I'm the one who made her go, Ed." Ed wailed for his friend to stop and reconsider, but Banzai was already looking down at what was to meet him. The rocks sparkled, as if excited, like they knew what was about to happen. Looking at their painfully serrated edges, Banzai told himself whatever happened would be fair enough: like the pain Shenzi felt when thousands of teeth descended upon her. The thought caused a lump to form in his throat, but he utterly refused to shed anymore tears as he took one more step forward; he bit his lip to keep himself as emotionless as possible, not caring that droplets of blood clung to the sharp canines piercing his mouth's own flesh.

He took a deep breath, and stole one final glance at his friend. Ed was nothing but a ball of nerves in the moment; somehow praying something would come to make him stop. The eyes of the younger of the males widened as Banzai edged closer to his fate.

But before he took a paw into floorless air, the familiar tone of a feminine voice interrupted his leap.

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!" The voice penetrated his mind: it couldn't be, it was just another nightmare, his thoughts were just playing tricks on him to sidetrack his self-inflicted death.

That is what he though, until he heard Ed guffawing in nothing but complete happiness. Yet, fearing this actually _was_ another nightmare, Banzai refused to turn around in fear of that mangled corpse staring back at him. A stray piece of a broken branch to his head brought him back to reality. He snarled in pain at the impact, and by involuntary reflex, jerked his head backward to see the origin of where it was thrown…and was more appalled at what he saw more than anything else in his entire life.

Her face, her angry face albeit it, but **her** face, was staring right at him. He could only gape as she scowled in his direction…before grinning as far as the corners of his mouth would stretch. She opened her mouth to say something, but he lunged at her, interrupting her sentence, and tightly wrapped his forepaws around her.

"YOU'RE ALRIGHT!" He shouted in happiness. It wasn't long until Shenzi felt Ed hugging her from behind as well. But only after five seconds had passed in the moment, that she roughly shoved both of the males off from her.

"No thanks to you. But don't worry, I already had somethin' to eat before I go here." The falsely-assumed-dead matriarch scornfully stated. Banzai couldn't care how much hurtful things she said, even if they were about him, right now his elatedness was being fueled just on seeing her alive. Really alive. Ed however, although happy, was very confused. He asked their female friend, almost incoherently of course, how on earth she had survived such an attack. Luckily both Shenzi and Banzai had learned to perceive most of their friend's unofficial "language" and Banzai, both perplexed and questioning, turned his head to hear her explanation as well. Shenzi blew a bang from her eye, before looking at them with a semi-calm expression on her face.

"Well, it happened like this: aftah Banzai sent me back to get that antelope, I tried my luck at bringin' down somethin' solo. Unfortunately it managed to dodge my tactics, and we ended up arousin' I'd say about a 20-foot lean, green, killin' machine. Both me and the meat got outta there in time; unfortunately, aftah I escaped, anothah one cornered me on a rock.

So we made a deal: if he let me go, I'd bring him that big, juicy antelope. Naturally neitha of us was going to keep the bargain, so I thought up n' idea. Seeing as how there was a hippo nearby, only sweetened the odds fah me.

I started speakin' a lil' louder than usual. The terms "rivah pig" and "croc kings" were used, and long-story short, I wriggled my way outta a classic rivah-feud buhtween hippo and crocodile."

Ed interrupted with something close to an inquire on the whereabouts of their long-lost meal. Shenzi blinked and fixed him with a glare.

"I was gettin' to that part. See, you two probably didn't notice this, but there wasn't just _one_ meal near the waterin' hole. But _two_; ours was an antelope with a bad limp."

"But those crocs were chowin' down on somethin' in the middle of the water hole! Ed n' me saw it! It even had dark fur!" Banzai cut in.

"Boy you two just can't let me finish one sentence, can ya?" She glared.

"Like I was sayin', there was _two_ potential meals: one was an antelope and the othah was a wildebeest, which species' is known to have _dark fur_. …Now, are thah n'y othah questions before I can head back to the cave with you two, get some sleep, and then beat the snot out of both of ya tomorrow?" Shenzi finished. Banzai stared at her for a moment, before saying,

"Just one." Of course the female of the trio rolled her eyes before raising an eyebrow and replying,

"What is it?"

"Will ya promise not to throw me off that cliff after I do this?"

"Do wha-" Before she could even finish he had her neck locked in one forepaw and her lips locked with his. Ed's eyes nearly popped out of his head but he managed to look away.

After Banzai parted from her, he smiled at her affectionately…only to raise his eyebrow warily at her response expression.

"Shenzi…what's with the look? …Aw c'mon, it's not like it meant anything! …No, no, wait, I didn't mean it like _that_. …Shenzi, when did you learn to make your claws that big?" He quickly dodged a pounce she lunged at him and immediately fled in the direction opposite the cliff with the jagged pit at the bottom. She immediately gave chase.

As Ed watched them take off as fast as their four legs could carry them, Shenzi yelling obscenities directed toward Banzai the whole way, he couldn't help but laugh at the sight. A voice next to him chuckled.

"Sad isn't it, Ed?" A familiar tenor said. The hyena smiled, looked over and nodded at the dark-maned lion. …Wait, dark-maned lion? The male canine jumped to his feet and backed off in horror, as a transparent King Scar smirked at him conceitedly with a toothless grin.

"Let me know when they work things out, won't you? Don't worry, if I don't show up, you certainly will…in time…" He finished as he faded.

Ed stared at where the ghost of his ex-boss once remained, before looking around and realizing he was alone. Whimpering in fear, he ran back to the cave. Hopefully some cuddling with T would be enough to calm him down…


	2. Dr Ed and Mr Edward

Ok, before you read I want to make something perfectly clear: this is an anthro fic. If you do not like anthro, do not read this or flame me. If you're not sure what anthro is, picture Lion King characters with human bodies, and that's what this story is like. If you do like anthro, well, enjoy.

The story chapter is also a spoof of the novel "Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde."

* * *

**In the mid-1800's, a man's unfortunate accident with a shotgun left his stomach partially exposed. Sometime after, experimenters talked him into becoming a human guinea pig for research on functions of the stomach. **

**Albeit after awhile the man did become fed up with all the experimenting, added to the transparent covering placed over his abdomen for the researchers to observe better, and also fled to Canada, where he died while in hiding, not to mention his family threatening the scientists with death if they attempted to retrieve it for an autopsy, the psychological link discovered between the stomach and the emotional properties of the brain was astounding:**

**Apparently, if depressed, stomach acid decreases which is very much needed for digestion. This may explain why sorrowful people have little appetite. Salivation may slow as well-**

"Hey Ed."

Caught off guard, the adult hyena practically jumped out of the blue swivel chair he'd been sitting in. Lightly putting a hand over his now thumping heart, he calmed upon seeing it was only T. Seeing she startled him, T glanced at what he'd been looking at that made him so interested…and tilted her head upon seeing a large, complexly drawn-out psychology manual. She picked it up and flipped through the pages curiously.

"Did Shenzi leave this here?" T failed to notice the way Ed rolled his eyes, before kindly taking the book and confirming it was indeed Shenzi's, then promising he'd deliver it straight to her room. He added something, in his own "language" of course, about how trying to look at all those pictures and diagrams made his head hurt. He then laughed and went upstairs to Shenzi's room, book in hand.

T smiled kindly and went back to the work she'd being doing previously: getting out the bleach, air-fresheners, and cleaners. Earlier that week, Shenzi and Banzai had been hired for a nighttime…errand, by someone whose identity she wasn't allowed to know. It was as expected of three hitpeople-for-hire, but even though the clients were always different, the location of the hit was near _constantly_ by the upper-class part of town, where a lot of posh, decorous…wealthy, gung ho…willing-to-get-rid-of-competition-in-anyway, lions resided. Though any time or any place it was completed, with no other place to finish off the remaining details, Shenzi and Banzai had to lug the… rotting fruits of their labor, back home. And once they were done T was expected to supply the tools to hide the evidence, since she was the one who cleaned the house often and knew where all the cleaning chemicals were.

So while the rest of the houses in the neighborhood smelled like apples and pumpkin spice, theirs smelled like a harsh assault of cheap, liquid bleach.

A sudden chill of cold, dry air hugging the back of her neck, instinctively made T gaze toward the now open front door. Right on schedule, Shenzi and Banzai were trying to get a large bag through the doorway. Banzai carried it painstakingly behind him and Shenzi, carrying the lower half, partially supported it with her hips while clasping onto it with her arms. Once they'd managed to get the door closed behind them, the bag, and what was in it, dropped to the floor.

"I hate Mondays." Banzai grumbled.

"It's Tuesday." Shenzi corrected him.

Having a good idea of what was in the bag, T sighed and brought out a box of bathroom cleaners.

"Ready when you are." She showed them the cardboard container full of ammonia, chlorine, stain remover, etcetera.

Unexpectedly, Shenzi grew a casual look on her face and waved it off. "No need." Her tone was somewhat…_strangely_, cheerful.

T raised a brow. "Whaddya mean?"

Shenzi gave her a sly look. "Sorry; only need-to-know basis."

Banzai rolled his eyes, then looked at T. "We passed by the junkyard and someone left the keys in the car compactor."

The matriarch glared at him. "Where's your holiday spirit?"

"It got thrown out the same time my back did!" He irritably snapped.

"So if you could dump," T pondered on the right thing to say as she looked at the bag on the floor, "…_that_, in the compactor down the street, why'd you bring it here?"

"Ask Banzai, he's the one without a backbone." Shenzi replied, glancing over at him as he painfully rubbed his lower back. "We're gonna hafta take the car." She explained.

As if on cue, Ed popped out from the kitchen, keys in hand. She chuckled, taking them away. "Right, like I'd let you drive at _all_, much less a block."

Shenzi turned toward the door and proceeded outside to the driveway. T started to put away all the cleaners and the box in the broom closet, while Banzai slumped on the couch. Ed appeared to be taking interest in a housefly knocking itself against the ceiling light, not seeming bothered by staring at the luminous bulb.

Soon ignition sounds were heard from outside…accompanied by a few annoyed grunts 5 minutes later, when the half-groans of the engine persisted. Unexpectedly, the front door swung open again, an irritable-looking Shenzi holding onto the knob. The now clearly frustrated matriarch darted her gaze to Banzai, unmoved from the couch, and swiftly advanced in his direction. By the drowsy look on his face, he was just started to get relaxed…until she quickly knocked him to the floor. T heard some irate Spanish cursing before he got up and glared at Shenzi.

"What was that for?!"

"Somethin's wrong with the car, go check it out."

"But I didn't even drive last ti-IME!" His sentence was cut short as she grabbed him by the neck and lugged him outside.

Pondering if they'd need any help, mainly Banzai, T grabbed a scarf and ventured after them. By this time Ed was amusing himself by mimicking the fly's actions in unison on the wood table.

After about 2 minutes, the hyena pondered how the fly could enjoy this…and soon found out when he began to see stars! Pretty, glowing, multi-colored stars. Hoping to see more, he tried pounding harder and was eagerly greeted with more and more of the shiny, sparkly lights, accompanied by their vibrant colors. Unfortunately, he failed to notice the huge bruise quickly shaping itself on his forehead…

_A few minutes later…_

"WHADDYA MEAN THE SPARK PLUGS ARE GONE?!" Shenzi demanded when the three came back inside. T removed her scarf, hung it on the rack, and wordlessly departed into the living room to let this take its course.

"I _mean_ if somebody wanted to steal the dang thing, they couldn't even hotwire it because, THE SPARK PLUGS ARE GONE!"

"Well who coulda took the spark plugs while we were out? Ed can't tell his left hand from his right, and T's decent but she don't know a thing about cars. I think this is _your_ fault, for not settin' the car alar- …THE STIFF'S GONE!"

Banzai blinked, scarcely comprehending what she'd just said. From what he now observed, she was gaping at something, eyes wide, and mouth practically on the floor. Confused, he raised a brow.

"…Huh?"

"THE STIFF'S GONE!" She repeated, this time pointing to a spot on the floor.

He turned to face the direction she was gesturing in…and his face, turning pale, soon became shocked as hers. There, where once the huge bag _and_ the body inside lay, was nothing but a vacant space of wood floor; had they not brought it into the house themselves, they would've thought nothing had ever been here. Evidence it had even been _moved_ was scarce.

"Aw man, this is serious!" Banzai started. "How we gonna get paid!?"

"What I'm wonderin' is how they got inside n' dragged it out without us noticin' anythang." Shenzi then turned her gaze in the direction of the kitchen. "T!"

At her voice, the younger female quickly emerged into the hallway.

"You seen anything while we were gone? Anybody checkin' out the house?"

"No." She shook her head, before noticing the empty spot on the floor. "Hey, how'd you two get rid of it so fast?"

"We didn't." Banzai grumbled.

T slanted her head in a confused manner, Shenzi once again waved her hand. "No time ta explain. Just go back n' do whatever you was doin'."

Still perplexed, T departed back into the kitchen. Immediately, Shenzi turned to Banzai. "Alright, better start searchin' while the trail's still hot."

Just then, Ed's laughter sounded through the house, and the enthusiastic hyena soon approached them with a pawful of envelopes. He held them out for either Shenzi or Banzai to take.

"I ain't got time to check the mail, Ed!" She griped, "I'm doin' a lil' investigatin' here!"

"Hey man, you ain't by any chance seen that stiff we hauled in? Or anybody haulin' it _out_?"

Ed turned his head completely sideways in puzzlement, before shaking his head quickly, and once again holding the mail out to Shenzi; nudging her impatiently with the stack of envelopes. She rolled her eyes and with a, "Fine!", took them from his hands. Looking pleased, Ed left the room. Banzai watched as she filed through the papers.

"What is it?"

"Just a bunch 'a junk mail!" She irritably answered, placing another envelope on the bottom of the pile as she continued to look…until instantly, her expression stunned, before she violently sifted through the mail once more. She stopped abruptly, when her hand grabbed an envelope looking no different than the others…with the exception of words made by cut-out letters of unknown publications. They read: "To My Body-Shop Suppliers".

Throwing the remainder of envelopes behind her shoulder, Shenzi brought out an index claw to slash through the top. Banzai watched her curiously, and soon she pulled out a twice-folded letter; its print was the likeness of the title on the envelope.

"What's it say?" Shenzi heard Banzai ask. She read the cut-out letters aloud for them to hear:

"Thanks for the help; that stiff is gonna really roll in some cash. Colleges'll pay anything to study a dead body. Now I can save my bar, and it's all because you guys do such a great job of guardin' your assets.

"Good luck explaining this to your clients. Sincerely,

"The Bartender."

Shenzi stared at the letter for a minute, before growling angrily and throwing it to the floor. "Well who do we know who tends bars anyway?!"

"Bootlegs or public?" Banzai inquired.

"Wha?"

"Nothin'. So what's this mean? Some down-on-'is-luck bartender took our stiff to pawn it with a group 'a college kids?" He said.

"All the bars we go to are doin' just fine, considerin' the amount of drunk drivers is like New Year's _every night_."

"…There's a bar goin' outta business two blocks from here!" Banzai stated.

"You _would_ know that." She said.

"Hey, I never go in. The place is probably bein' shut down because the booze tanks. …Hey! Maybe the guy who runs it took out the spark plugs! Y'know, so we couldn't leave with the body."

"If that's true, how'd they get inside _and_ drag it out without anyone seein'?"

"…I'm just brain-stormin' here! Don't ask me to do _all_ the work!"

Shenzi rolled her eyes and bonked him lightly. "Just get ya coat." She said, putting on her own jacket and walking out the door.

* * *

The two gradually made their way down the two blocks between them and the bar. The area of their town being particularly seedy, they ran into things nobody but class-A hitmen could tolerate. Aside from the dry, frigid air blowing dead leaves in their faces, there were street gangs glaring at them as they passed, muggers awaited in the shadows, quickly backing down only upon seeing them and knowing trying to rob them would be a _fatal_ mistake. Dealers leaning against traffic signs on street corners, tried to offer them whatever illegal items they were selling, until the two flashed their handguns from the inside pockets of their jackets.

Shenzi and Banzai realized they were getting close, when they saw drunks either sprawled out in the gutter or halfway in and out of alleys. Looking up, they saw a small building, with neon signs in the front window, some shapes of liquor bottles, some just advertising the bar. Exchanging glances, the two nodded and entered the sleazy structure.

Inside, a few customers at booths momentarily peeked up at them from their drinks, before lowering them back. The roof of the place was half-covered in cigar smoke, and whoever was sitting at the stools by the counter seemed to be harassing the bartender…the _female_ bartender, in a tight low-cut red shirt, gold, dangly earrings and, as of the moment, a very irritated look on her face.

"…Big surprise; it's always the pretty girl who turns out to be the backstabber." Banzai said.

"Well, I didn't like it happenin' in junior high and I don't like it now…" Shenzi growled, prior to hostilely walking up to the counter.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Banzai grabbed her shoulder lightly to stop her. "We need to be easy with this. Let _me_ do the talkin'."

"If you _weren't_ talkin' I'd say I came here with Ed." She scorned.

Ignoring her insult, he made his way toward the counter. Shenzi rolled her eyes, before following suite. By the time they made it over, the bartender was having her hands full with a few customers who'd had one too many. One was urging her for another glass, while another unsuccessfully tried to grab onto a bowl of chips to keep from falling to the floor, and the third was hitting on her.

"C'mon sweetie, just one little peck." His voice came out slurred as he tried to tickle her under the chin, she slapped his hand away, apparently angering him. "Why I oughtta-!!" Just as he rose up from his seat, a fist conveniently clenched onto the back of his neck, right before slinging him across the room; the rest of the patrons being too drunk to notice.

By the time the bartender glanced back to see who'd done her that favor, she looked just in time to see a tough-looking male sit in front of her, a casual grin on his face. "No thanks necessary." He spoke. She raised a brow in interest, but hid a smile. Shenzi, whom she failed to notice, took a seat next to him.

The bartender spoke normally, "Can I get you a drink?" The male smiled at her, causing her chest to flutter. "Yeah…although, me n' my friend here," he gestured to Shenzi, "ain't from around these parts. Anything _you'd_ recommend?" He made sure to quirk an eyebrow in her direction.

She spoke not a word but turned to mix up two drinks, while she was churning something in the blender, she glanced back and tried to make small talk. "So uh, what brings ya here?"

Banzai shrugged and leaned onto the counter to make it seem like he wanted closer to her, she didn't protest. Shenzi didn't think she'd ever seen Banzai smile for such a long period of time, and casually leaned her elbow on the polished bar surface. The bartender quickly snapped her head in her direction.

"Hey," her tone was threatening, "quit makin' prints on my countertop!"

Astonished, Shenzi moved her elbow, but quickly fixed her with a glare. Banzai noticed, but kept his focus on the bartender.

"So," he began, "you got a name, good-lookin'?"

Shenzi almost gagged, and apparently the female running the bar didn't take well to it either from the way she lunged over the bar with a knife in her fist. The surprised male immediately leaned back.

"My name isn't 'good-lookin''." she nearly growled. Banzai froze on the spot, and Shenzi earnestly watched to see where this would lead to. Just as he thought the female caretaker might use that knife on him, her frown melted as her voice took on a flirtatious tone.

"It's Mawnda." She smiled, cutting a lime wedge with the knife. Banzai relaxed and chuckled nervously, taking the drink she personally handed to him. Shenzi nearly missed the glass carelessly slid in her direction, almost growling at Mawnda then and there.

Banzai reached into his wallet to pay her, but she quickly pushed down his hand.

"It's on the house." She grinned, until looking in Shenzi's direction. "Three-fifty for you."

Seeing her face turn red, Banzai immediately decided to milk this bartender for information before things got ugly. …Glancing at his friend reaching into her inner jacket pocket, he knew time was of the essence.

"So, Mawnda," he smoothly began, "where were _you_ when I came into town today?"

"Just minding _this_ place." Came her bored reply. "It's a dump, but it's _my_ dump." Unexpectedly, she leaned over the countertop to inch her face close to his, suddenly Banzai felt her hand holding onto the bend of his elbow. "It's also a dump with an upstairs room…"

"Eh-heh, maybe not quite yet." He lifted her hand of his arm politely. "'Cause ya see, me n'-"

"**Shenzi**." She abruptly cut in, tired of simply being referred to as "his friend" over and over again.

"Yeah uh, we got a situation on our hands. We were wonderin' if you could help out." He slid his hand onto Mawnda's, who gave Shenzi a skeptical glance, before turning to him.

"I could see what I can do." She smiled, tracing shapes on his hand with her thumb.

"Someone broke into our house and robbed us." He said. Mawnda laughed.

"You two _must_ be outta town; that's not uncommon around here."

"Well, we heard _this_ was the roughest part 'a town, and thought maybe the guy, or girl, hung around here." Shenzi cut in. Mawnda immediately scowled at her.

"_I_ haven't left this counter all day."

"Then maybe you _seen_ somethin'." The matriarch scowled back.

"I'm a bartender: I see a lot of things. Creeps and weirdo's come in here day in and day out: like you said, this is the roughest part 'a town."

"Y'know what was taken from us could be worth a lotta cash; maybe if your booze wasn't so crappy, you wouldn't need it to bail this dump out!"

"Say that to my face!" The two would've immediately leapt for each other's throats, had Banzai not stepped in.

"Ladies, ladies! C'mon, we're all hyenas here." He glanced at Mawnda but gestured his hand towards Shenzi. "She's just a little on edge 'cause we got robbed when we first got here."

Then Banzai looked at Shenzi with a wink. "Now I'm _sure_ Mawnda's innocent, bet she's even got _proof_ she was here all day."

With an expectant smirk, he turned back to the bartending female to anticipate an uncomfortable look from her, in which case she'd make up some unlikely story, until eventually having no choice but to confess. Instead, taking his smirk as a gesture that he was on her side, she half-simpered and turned to a small TV on the back of the bar. Surprising the both of them, she pushed a button on the set to play a video-recording of that day. It was slightly fuzzy and the playback was black-and-white, but there she was, bartending the building from 5 am to this time.

Smirking, Mawnda turned back when the tape was over, and gave Shenzi an "I told you so", look. Banzai paused for a moment, until clearing his throat, looking at the matriarch and saying, "…See? Toldja she had proof."

She merely narrowed her eyes at him and got up from the barstool, sloppily laying the money next to her drink. He arose as well and glanced back at their hostess.

"Well, thanks a lot; we gotta get goin'."

"Feel free to come back," Mawnda started, before glaring at Shenzi, "when you're alone."

* * *

"Well, _that_ was a waste 'a time." The now annoyed matriarch stated as the two made their way back to their house. Banzai seemed to be fumbling in his jacket pocket. "What're you doing?"

"I think she slipped somethin' into my wallet." He answered, until he pulled out a folded paper. After reading his expression once he opened it, Shenzi didn't need to guess what it was before he said, "…Her number."

The frustrated female put a paw to her chin, trying to think. "…Maybe, we misread that letter. Maybe someone else took the body and wanted ta frame her."

"…Think the college kids you mentioned took it?" Banzai speculated.

"Nah, where they gonna keep a dead guy?"

"If I know college dudes, they took it for kicks. Either that or they're so broke on cash for food they're eatin' it."

Shenzi glanced at her watch, it was almost 5 pm; they'd agreed to bring proof of the kill to that wealthy lion at 6:30. She pondered for a moment, before sighing reluctantly. "We got nothin' to lose."

_A few minutes later…_

"…Well, on the plus side, we got to see a _human_ body dissected instead of some frog's." Banzai offered. After checking out yet another false lead, the two were unenthusiastically returning home to search their house again. Shenzi was gritting her teeth in aggravation.

"That trip was a half-hour waste of our time! That gung-ho lion is expectin' us to bring proof that 'is business rival is 6 feet under, in an HOUR! And we got no leads to- …Banzai, you even listenin' ta me?"

The male didn't answer, his eyes were fixated on something behind her. Not knowing whether to be confused or annoyed, Shenzi meekly decided that he wasn't going to play attention unless whatever he was looking at vanished. So turning around, she checked to see what he was so fascinated in…just in time to see Kamau break in through their back door.

Not bothering to even glance at one another to speculate that this could be another lead, the two took to their heels, racing toward their house. Shenzi hopped the fence and barely had enough time to unlock the back gate for Banzai, to see Kamau make his way through their kitchen. Quickly the matriarch grabbed the doorknob and shook it violently, but it wouldn't budge. Desperate to get to the bottom of this, Shenzi kicked the door open.

The two burst through the doorway, startling Kamau who'd spun around upon hearing the door break open. Shenzi pointed in his direction as Banzai reached into his jacket pocket. "Don't move!" She ordered.

Being the smart male he was, Kamau wisely backed against the wall, his hands in the air. Shenzi and Banzai approached him threateningly.

"No need to get hostile." He calmly explained.

"You break into _my_ house, and you're tellin' me not to be hostile?" Shenzi spoke. "Why're you here anyway?"

At that question, Kamau's usual collected manner, dissolved into narrowed eyes and a curled lip. "Why don't you ask Ed?"

Puzzled, the two residents of the house exchanged glances. "Whaddya mean 'ask Ed'?" Banzai demanded.

"Abeni came up to me the other day. Apparently _he_-" Kamau's sentence was broken off as a large, foreign object struck him firmly in the back of the skull. He fell to the tile floor, unconscious. Stunned, both hyenas glanced up to see what hit him…it turned out to be who.

Ed stood in the middle of the doorway, an iron pot in his hand. He glanced down at the knocked-out Kamau, before smiling up at his friends, as if he'd done a good job.

"ED!" Banzai shouted, causing the other male to flinch away, "WHY'D YOU DO THAT?! We were _this_ close to a-"

"Let's take care 'a that later Banzai." Shenzi put a hand in front of him. Setting her hands on her hips, she gave Ed a suspicious look. "What'd he mean by ask _you_ why he broke in?"

Ed just tilted his head and gave a shrug. Shenzi examined him up and down, appearing unsure about something. Innocently, the youngest male of the group gave a whine as he put the pan down. By the look in his eyes, the other two hyenas assumed he thought he was _supposed_ to knock out Kamau, since he did break in and all. And on the other paw, how was he to know it was even Kamau that broke in? His back was turned when he hit him.

Deciding to let it go, Banzai shrugged and put his gun back. Shenzi took her hands off her hips, but looked back at the now damaged back door. She quickly looked back at Ed.

"Ed," at her voice he quickly perked up in attention, "help Banzai put the door back on its hinges. I gotta make a phone call."

Ed nodded while Banzai sighed, and began digging in drawers in search of tools. Unexpectedly, Ed brought a large toolbox in front of his face. Blinking in surprise, he slowly grasped the handle, and the two made their way to the door.

Meanwhile, Shenzi waited until they were out of ear shot, before quickly grabbing the cordless and stealthily going upstairs. Locking her bedroom door behind her, she dialed a nearby resident's number. She put the receiver to her ear and after 2 rings a female's voice answered.

"_Hello?"_

"Abeni?"

"_Shenzi? What is it? If it's Gituku Kamau can't get him right now, he's out for the day."_

"I know, I just caught 'em tryin' to break into my house!"

"_What?!"_

"He said Ed was the reason and you were mentioned too."

A heavy sigh was heard over the other end. _"Oh no…"_

"What?" Shenzi demanded.

"_Ed came up to me the other day about…something, and I didn't like how he approached me about it. I was still uncomfortable the next day so I told Kamau, and then one thing led to another and I haven't seen him since this morning. I never imagined he'd go to __your__ house."_

"What'd Ed talk to you about?"

"_I…I can't say. If I did there'd be a lot of things at stake, besides you wouldn't believe me anyway."_

"Try me."

No answer came from Abeni that time, impatient, Shenzi firmly spoke into the receiver.

"Abeni, if you don't tell me what happened now, I'll come over there and find out myself."

"…_Ed, Ed is…Ed is not who you think he is. He told me about it while we were dating. …He told me perfectly."_

"Whadda you mean? Why do you keep sayin' he told you? Ed can't talk. …Abeni? …Abeni!" No reply, and unexpectedly the matriarch found there was no longer a connection. Baffled, she tried to redial the number, but there wasn't even a dial tone. Wary, she decided to run downstairs for Banzai; a bad feeling was growing in her about this. She put down the phone and fled out of her room, her steps thumping as she raced down the stairs.

"Banzai? Banzai!" She called out her friend's name, but when she reached the kitchen, both Banzai and Ed were gone. Past distrustful at this point, she turned to escape through the open front door, but just as she reached the inside rug visitors wiped their feet on, Ed suddenly appeared as he slammed the front door from his hiding place behind it. A strange, creepy grin was on his face.

Shenzi backed up and reached for her handgun…when she bumped into something from behind. …Make that someone, Banzai struggled in the binds tying him to the chair. Shenzi whirled her head back to face Ed, only to meet face-first with a damp cloth, and then everything faded to black…

When Shenzi awoke, her head was tilted down, so the first thing she noticed were her feet, ankle-deep in cement. Eyes enlarging, she snapped her head upward… to stare right into the face of Ed. Well, at least the face did belong to Ed, but it was clear that the hyena she knew was not the same one she was staring at. Ed leaned closer, causing her to move her head away; it was then she realized her arms were tied behind her in a chair…their convertible's chair. Looking to her side, she saw Banzai in the passenger's seat, glaring at Ed. Cautiously turning her head back to look at was once her friend, what would happen next would be the most shocking experience of her life.

"Feeling better, I trust?" Ed spoke. Ed **spoke**.

Shenzi's jaw dropped, unable to think. Ed continued to grin and chuckled at her reaction.

"Surprised? Then I've hid my secret effectively."

Gaining her ability to soak this in, the female chewed on what she was seeing, and what little Abeni informed her, just before Ed caught her jaw before it hit the floor. He simply rejoined it with her upper lip and let go. Observing her surroundings, the matriarch saw they were in the junkyard…their car in the compactor. Ed, she noticed, was standing outside her door.

"No need to be embarrassed; Banzai reacted in the same manner, the only distinction being you never tried to hit me with a bal peen."

"H-h…How?" Was all Shenzi could get out.

"How can Ed the local idiot be verbalizing to you in perfect English this minute?" He finished for her.

"Uh…sure."

Ed chuckled once more, and began pacing in front of them. Shenzi noticed Banzai kept his glare on him, stopping only to give her a concerned glance, before glowering again.

"Simple, really. As a young adolescent, I discovered by accident, that I was as perfectly speech-enabled as any other hyena, perhaps moreso."

"By accident?" Shenzi cut in.

"He hit 'is head." Banzai humorlessly explained. This time Ed returned the sour look he was giving him.

"Must you always ruin the best part?" He then looked back at his tied-up matriarch. "I was running and it was a singularly rainy day; I slipped and my cranium made harsh impact on a rock. At that precise moment I cried out in pain, but as I shouted, the livid words I meant to speak, actually reverberated from my vocal chords, in perfect English.

"Being the young male I was, at first I was amazed at my newly discovered talent. And of course being in a relationship at the time, the first thing I did was find my love, Abeni, and inform her, in flawless words and sentences, what had happened to me."

"…That's why she-" Shenzi stopped talking once noticing Ed grinning again.

"She was in high spirits for me, and why not? She loved me. The first thing I wanted to do was scream this out to the world, to prove that I was not the blithering idiot every living being thought I was, to show I was as intellectually capable as the most brilliant…to exact revenge upon those who repeatedly tormented me…"

"So, what's this got to do with you confrontin' Abeni like Kamau told us, before _you_ knocked him out?"

"Yeah, what were you tryin' to hide?!" Banzai demanded.

"When I told Abeni I had thoughts of vengeance, she became strongly disagreeing. What ensued was a severe quarrel, that eventually led to if I wanted to _keep_ my ability to talk, revenge could not be in the mix. And so," he grinned smugly, "I recurred the actions which caused my speech abilities in the first place. We never spoke of it again."

Shenzi tilted her head. "So how'd you get it back?"

"C'mon Shenzi, it's _Ed_, the guy can't go two seconds without hittin' his head." Banzai spoke up.

"Ahh, but never in a specific place with a meticulous amount of force. While you left to go check on the car I…occupied myself with…" He seemed reluctant to finish, so Banzai cut in.

"He was knockin' his head against the table because a FLY was knockin' against the ceiling light!"

"And at that moment," Ed loudly started, clearly annoyed by the other male's interruptions, "my spectacular knowledge returned to me! And with a benefit: Abeni and I were no longer, so there was no one to stand in my way. The only problem, was that I'd never be taken seriously in this town, due to my long-winded status as an imprudent fool. I had to get out of town.

"My first priority, was causing a distraction so no one would notice I'd slipped out of town. The false leads, Kamau's unexpected visit, the incident with the car: all my doing.

"Soon I began sharpening my… _frightfully_ advanced intellect, learning all sorts of ways to use each aspect of every day life to my advantage. I followed many principles used by the mentors I had chosen–heinous men who were almost as criminally brilliant as I: Luciano, Manson, Hitler, and of course our old bi-polar-stricken cohort, Scar."

"Isn't Hitler kinda ironic? I mean, me n' Shenzi went to your barmitzvah-"

"Silence!"

"So you're sayin' that hit to the head knocked somethin' loose?" Shenzi inquired.

"Precisely: and to this day I have never swatted another fly."

Shenzi stared off for a moment, trying to take all this in. Until all of a sudden, a familiar event that occurred that day raised a flag inside her mind, and she accusingly darted her gaze toward Ed.

"YOU dragged off our kill!" She yelled.

"You'll be happy to know I already delivered the proof that lion needed to know his competitor was dead. So that saves you one less worry." He grinned.

"Yeah." Banzai skeptically said, taking note of their unwilling presence in a car in a compactor.

"The monetary reward for that body would _more_ than cover what I needed to begin anew. I couldn't have such a large sum parted three ways; that would mean another extended period of pretending to be in the dark about anything with more than three letters until I received enough. I was tired of waiting…"

"So, wait…while you were talkin' to the lion, Abeni saw you! Otherwise you wouldn't 'a confronted her! You threatened her from out of the blue to keep her quiet!" Shenzi concluded.

"Sure _you're_ supposed to be the smart one of the group?" Ed cynically replied.

"Wait a minute," Banzai interrupted, "…Where the heck is T in all this?!"

Promptly, both stared at who was once their friend demandingly. He simply grinned that evil smirk and glanced at Shenzi, "I forged your handwriting and told her you needed her to do some errands in your absence. Now if you'll excuse me…"

To Shenzi and Banzai's horror, Ed moved to the compactor's controls, and after pressing a few buttons, the convertible in which they were in began crumpling before their very eyes. Ed kept that grin.

"Hate to run but, T'll worry if I don't give you two an alibi for your absence." The next thing they saw him do was slip through the gap in the fence, right before they violently struggled to free themselves. Shenzi glanced back in her struggling, and much to her horror, the trunk was already pressing against the back seat's edge.

* * *

"I'm home!" T shouted when she first walked through the door, paper bags in her hands. Closing the door with her foot behind her, she glanced up to see Ed smiling at her naively from the stairway. She returned the friendly gesture, "Hey Ed. Can you give me a hand here?"

He nodded and took one of the bags, following her into the kitchen like he normally would. Just as he began putting away the food stuffs, he noticed T absentmindedly glancing outside. He raised an eyebrow.

"…Y'know," She said, "there's a murder at the junkyard."

Ed froze, now hoping with all his might that T hadn't seen anything so he wouldn't have to kill her. He calmed himself, turning to her and pretending to be completely clueless of what she'd said. But T pointed straight out the window, leading down the sidewalk to the same place he left-

"Those crows." She spoke. Ed stared: now truly perplexed.

T looked absentmindedly out the glass pane. "Did you know that humans call a group of crows a 'murder'? It's like they gotta associate with blood n' guts 24/7. Anyway, something's going on to make all those crows gather there. Wonder what…"

Ed blinked and, laughing like always, shrugged.

_A few minutes later…_

"So Ed, do you know where Shenzi and Banzai are?" T casually asked, kneeling by a low shelf as she put away canned goods.

"Oh, some place they can't be a bother." Came her answer.

…A can of seasoning mix hit the floor, and slowly, incomprehensively, T stood up to look at Ed…and see him grinning eerily.

"…H-How…Ed…?" She could barely speak. He threw back his head and laughed, but not at all like the way he normally did. This mirth was unfamiliar, strange, _evil_.

"Oh how the reactions never steer from a general emotion: dumbstruck."

"What happened to you?" She asked.

"Hmmm, nothing that hadn't already." He casually replied.

"…I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. Nobody did. Shenzi and Banzai wouldn't have either. …So I decided not to waste my time explaining it to them." He grinned at her, sending a wave of fright down the young female's spine.

"But, since you obviously are so different from Shenzi and Banzai, I suppose I could make _one_ exception." Ed revealed all he had told Shenzi and Banzai just before he left them for dead. T was speechless, but was shocked beyond all rational thought when he told her what had become of their friends.

"And now I'm going to have to leave town to start a new life of intellectual-gained paradise. Shame though, I expected you of all others to at least notice _signs_."

"…S-so why am I finding out now?!" T demanded.

"You didn't read the rest of the book, did you?" Ed tsk-tsked.

T stared at him strangely, before noticing a familiar-looking psychology manual on a desk nearby. Warily keeping her gaze on Ed, she took it into her hands and began to read where she left off.

**However, when angry, the stomach does the exact opposite. Acid production increases, and ravenous eating behaviors ensue. The saliva glands flow…**

She slowly glanced up and, not knowing whether to be paralyzed with fright or made immobile with disgust, saw Ed's fangs _dripping_ as he grinned wickedly. The young female tried her best not to show fear, but her claws dug into the book cover, leaving small indentions.

"…What're you going to do?" She said.

His grin did not waver as he slowly began to approach her. "In order to succeed by means of my criminal genius, this veiled state of knowledge must be kept as such; I can't risk that news traveling to my new home. Aside from Abeni, and as of a few days ago Kamau, there is only one other who knows of my verbal capabilities. Fortunately in all my experience as a hitman has taught me, I know just how that little problem can be taken care of…"

T instinctively took a step back as Ed now began to advance with hostility, eerily smiling the entire time. The adolescent hyena was almost too frightened to move, and dug her claws deeper into the book cover… suddenly, she realized the psychology manual was still in her grasp. Quickly she averted her gaze to the stairs, and then the distance between her, Ed, and said stairs. She glanced at the heavy, thick book she was clutching; it was a long shot, but it was a risk she had to take. Thinking on her feet, coupled with her instinct for survival, she hurled the book at Ed.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Ed ducked just as the cover firmly bumped into his shoulder, then looked back up just in time to see T fleeing up the stairs. He shook his head, chuckling sinisterly, before following her.

"Now really T, cooperate and this will be less painful for the both of us."

T ran to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her, quickly locking it. Knowing that wouldn't hold him, she heaved her bed in front of it. Then she set to prying open her window, but much to her horror, it was nailed shut from the outside.

The next thing she heard was repeated blows to her door by some unknown object. What terrorized her was when she found out it was an ax. Before long she saw a hole large enough, formed by all the gashes, to show Ed's face.

"Here's Eddy!" He cackled, before unlocking the door and easily pushing it, and the bed, out of his way. He raised the ax over his shoulder, T backing against her bedroom window. She saw the blade glint against her ceiling light, a fly repeatedly banging itself against it, as if oblivious it was witnessing a to-be murder.

T clenched her eyes shut and let out a petrified scream, just before a body fell to the ground…

…Ed's.

T slowly peeled her eyes open; the first thing she noticed was Ed's unconscious body, a huge bump on his forehead. Looking up, her eyes enlarged once seeing Shenzi holding the blue psychology manual, Banzai beside her.

"He…he said you were…"

"We know." Banzai cut in. The image of blood running down his cheek and glass in his clothes was not lost on her, nor was the chunks of cement on Shenzi's feet.

"Just be thankful you don't look as bad as us." She told her.

* * *

"…So, all we have to do is just badger him ruthlessly every so often?" T inquired.

"Yes," the doctor explained, "so as not raise his confidence levels high enough to risk the possibility of this ever happening again. Head injuries are clearly not unusual with this man, but inspire his inner beast and you're in for a world of danger."

"Lil' late to warn us about that." Shenzi grumbled.

"Simply ridicule him on a regular basis, just not more than what he could expect," at that, Shenzi and Banzai exchanged glances, "and there should be no more problems.

T looked over at the older hyenas to see what they thought. Shenzi appeared to be gazing at the wall as she pondered this over, Banzai was tapping his foot for awhile, before both hyenas glanced at each other once more, and looked at the doctor.

"Sounds fine to me." Shenzi announced.

"I'm cool with it." Banzai agreed.

_Flashback…_

Shenzi and Banzai tore wildly at their binds, the car slowly imploding on their bodies. Shenzi tried to lift her feet up while Banzai growled in frustration as he attempted to snap the rope binding his wrists. Suddenly, much to his horror, he felt a large, jagged object pressing into the back of his chair, the same time he heard a loud, metallic whining. Looking back, he saw the trunk was now crumpled and hulking towards them, towering over more and more.

Banzai gaped at the mass of metal, trying to move…before he banged his hand on the glove box. …He banged his hand. Stunned momentarily, the male darted his glance down at his hands, pieces of rope dangling from his wrists, but clearly been cut. Taking to time to realize it was the jagged metal, still gashing into his chair, he lunged from his seat to aide Shenzi. First he cut her ropes as well, before trying to lift her over the door, but the gap between their bodies and the windshield was decreasing by the second, and the cement on her feet didn't help things.

As a last resort, Banzai bent down and lifted her feet-first, pushing her out at the last minute. Shenzi hit the hard, greasy ground, only to look up just as the trunk touched the tip of their windshield.

"NO!" She screamed to the heavens. She ran to the controls and immediately shut the compactor off, but feared the worst already. Reaching the carnage of their vehicle, she tried to pry open the steel deathtrap.

"BANZAI!" She pounded on his door, unable to open it with the handle broken off. The next thing she heard was shattering glass, and, miraculous, she stared at the sight of her friend, partially wounded, coughing up blood and wiping glass from his mane. Instinctively she ran over to check his wounds.

"I'm fine." He insisted. "Now, ya wanna go see if T's still alive?"

* * *

Just then, one of the hospital nurses, a burly-looking woman with a mole on one of her cheeks, came in with Ed being led in by the arm.

"He's all yours." She stated, before going back through the double doors they came out of.

Ed glanced at his three friends, now seeming completely normal, even happy. He gave them a genuine smile, and was about to say something friendly until-

"Hey Ed, the schizophrenic impersonators called: they want you to stop making them look bad." Shenzi abruptly spoke up. T cringed; that insult had enough sting for more than one person. She awaited Ed's reaction, that is, before Banzai unexpectedly, and somewhat roughly, put an arm over his shoulders and said,

"Y'know man, I can only think 'a one difference between a hollow coconut, and your head. …About 20 IQ points!" He then began laughing at his insult, as did Shenzi suite.

T's jaw nearly dropped to the floor; almost in disbelief that these two had called themselves Ed's friends, even it was for his own good. …Though, she knew they were both just looking out for his best at heart, no matter how many burns the verbal abuse gave. Perhaps, _not_ ridiculing him was worse for Ed than it was being kind to him.

Suddenly her head jerked in Ed's direction when she saw a surprised look on his face. Shenzi and Banzai took note of it too, and all three waited for his reaction. The male got a strange look on his face, appearing to muse over what'd been said to him. Then abruptly, a stern look plastered on his facial features, and he looked intently at Shenzi and Banzai. They all, Shenzi, Banzai, the doctor, and T, braced themselves for what he might do…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Ed's head bobbed wildly as he insanely laughed, grabbing onto a table for support, and pounding his fist on it. T stared at him, completely flabbergasted, prior to looking at Shenzi and Banzai; their expressions were not much different than hers.

Glancing back at Ed, he was still cackling; how his lungs could take it was a true wonder. T cocked her head, almost bowled over at his reaction to the supposed insults. Then, absentmindedly, she said to herself, but in a tone everyone else could hear,

"Well they weren't really _that_ funny. …I guess Ed'll laugh at _anything_."

Shenzi raised a brow, Banzai examined his claws; both turned to say something in agreements with that, until a small whimpering reached their ears.

All three took in the sight of Ed's face, no longer the once joyful expression it'd been a moment ago—his eyes were now watering, his ears drooped down to his neck, his mouth crinkled in a pitiable frown, and he stared directly at T.

The young hyena didn't know what to think, until he suddenly burst into tears and ran from the mental hospital. All three turned back and stared at the double doors swinging in and out, mouths agape. The doctor, as if entirely oblivious, fervently scribbled onto a clipboard, then ripped a form off, putting it in Shenzi's hand.

"Your bill."

Momentarily taking her gaze off the exit to the institute, Shenzi glanced down at the form in her grasp…

"…**WHAT**?! YOU CHARGE ME THAT MUCH JUSTA KEEP 'IM FOR A _DAY_?!"

Banzai and T quickly dodged to safer areas as the irate matriarch stormed through the facility and right to the doctor's office. Nurses, assistants, and other staff were running and panicking everywhere.

"SECURITY!" A small brunette nurse cried as Shenzi shoved her out of the way to get through the hall.

The same burly nurse with a mole on her cheek forcefully ran after her, proceeding to tackle her to the ground. While everyone else was busy watching the violent struggle, T and Banzai cautiously emerge from the place they'd ran for cover in; the bathroom. Banzai warily stepped around the fight and picked up the form Shenzi threw down earlier; he blinked.

"Well, it's less than what it cost to hide Gituku's body."

"Huh?" T looked at him strangely. Banzai's eyes quickly darted around the room.

"Uh…nothin'."

* * *

I apologize for the _very_ late update. But I hope it was scary enough for you. Tearthgrrl, out.


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